B-Cognizance
IIITA e-Magazine
October - December 2006 Vol 2 Issue 11
This time around yours sincerely had the privilege of being part of the College Placement Team. I came a cross umpteen Human Resource Managers, on phone obviously, and even their voice seemed so busy that I started to think of asking for appointment a-priori, even for telephonic conversation. In initial phases it was all fine, very cordial voice asking you to send a brochure or revert back with in some stipulated time frame. But a few weeks experience taught me that initially I was struck by enigma of encrypted HR Parlance. In short, essence of this language is how to convey the message of goodbye when you are actually speaking, “…Pleased to meet you pal…”
Cryptography, a concept associated with geeks, originated in the days of Caesar but somehow it has found its way into the daily language of not so technologically inclined HR Execs. Only experience can provide you the key to actually understand the message they wish to convey. You call them up, talk to them, enjoy the talk, hang up the phone and you are just about to exult in elation that this company is bound to come for campus visit mate, then suddenly senses prevail and you actually realize that the extra week sought by him/her has again made a fool out of you.
Now what I’m going to do is to provide you a key to what they say and what they actually wish to convey. This will at least make the Fool’s Paradise where most of Placement Team representatives live, a bit less crowded. Now to start with be a pragmatist and not an optimist. When you make the first call and HR Manager on the other side reciprocates by saying, “..Wonderful..” make anything out of this adjective but never dare to think that he/she is saying it after hearing your beautiful voice. Maybe he/she is appreciating the attendant who has just cleaned his/her table. And, if you have reached second stage where HR is asking for Brochure don’t ever think of becoming happy by even smallest degree, just call after half an hour and you will get similar response 9 out of 10 times. If you are somehow lucky enough and HR chap actually went through your brochure and still remembers its contents then be careful of the statement, “we will revert back to you..”. Believe me, don’t hang up the phone because if you do and start looking forward to their response, no matter how so ever forward the time may move you will never get a chance to look at their response. And if they say they are looking forward to response from their higher management, you will realize how high the management goes. Somebody said organizations are getting flat; they lay stress on people taking initiatives and owning the consequences but in HR departments the person you will be in touch is just supposed to follow higher managements initiative and communicate its consequences to us.
Note: - This article is meant for internal circulation. Make sure no HR Executive of the organization lined up for the forthcoming Placement Season is able to see it. Because the article contains direct copies of the dialogues they make use of, to do away with buggers like us. But persistence is the key to success my friend and sometimes just to avoid our incessant phone calls they decide to visit the campus.
Keeping with the last issues tradition, a few Murphy’s Laws on Technology. We hope you would go through them and associate with them. Because how so ever illogical they may seem but they do hold relevance in your lives.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure. great discoveries are made by mistake.
Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
All's well that ends.
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
The first myth of management is that it exists.
A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
New systems generate new problems.
Jest Corner
HR Parlance Decrypted
This time around yours sincerely had the privilege of being part of the College Placement Team. I came a cross umpteen Human Resource Managers, on phone obviously, and even their voice seemed so busy that I started to think of asking for appointment a-priori, even for telephonic conversation. In initial phases it was all fine, very cordial voice asking you to send a brochure or revert back with in some stipulated time frame. But a few weeks experience taught me that initially I was struck by enigma of encrypted HR Parlance. In short, essence of this language is how to convey the message of goodbye when you are actually speaking, “…Pleased to meet you pal…”
Cryptography, a concept associated with geeks, originated in the days of Caesar but somehow it has found its way into the daily language of not so technologically inclined HR Execs. Only experience can provide you the key to actually understand the message they wish to convey. You call them up, talk to them, enjoy the talk, hang up the phone and you are just about to exult in elation that this company is bound to come for campus visit mate, then suddenly senses prevail and you actually realize that the extra week sought by him/her has again made a fool out of you.
Now what I’m going to do is to provide you a key to what they say and what they actually wish to convey. This will at least make the Fool’s Paradise where most of Placement Team representatives live, a bit less crowded. Now to start with be a pragmatist and not an optimist. When you make the first call and HR Manager on the other side reciprocates by saying, “..Wonderful..” make anything out of this adjective but never dare to think that he/she is saying it after hearing your beautiful voice. Maybe he/she is appreciating the attendant who has just cleaned his/her table. And, if you have reached second stage where HR is asking for Brochure don’t ever think of becoming happy by even smallest degree, just call after half an hour and you will get similar response 9 out of 10 times. If you are somehow lucky enough and HR chap actually went through your brochure and still remembers its contents then be careful of the statement, “we will revert back to you..”. Believe me, don’t hang up the phone because if you do and start looking forward to their response, no matter how so ever forward the time may move you will never get a chance to look at their response. And if they say they are looking forward to response from their higher management, you will realize how high the management goes. Somebody said organizations are getting flat; they lay stress on people taking initiatives and owning the consequences but in HR departments the person you will be in touch is just supposed to follow higher managements initiative and communicate its consequences to us.
Note: - This article is meant for internal circulation. Make sure no HR Executive of the organization lined up for the forthcoming Placement Season is able to see it. Because the article contains direct copies of the dialogues they make use of, to do away with buggers like us. But persistence is the key to success my friend and sometimes just to avoid our incessant phone calls they decide to visit the campus.
Murphy’s Laws
Keeping with the last issues tradition, a few Murphy’s Laws on Technology. We hope you would go through them and associate with them. Because how so ever illogical they may seem but they do hold relevance in your lives.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure. great discoveries are made by mistake.
Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
All's well that ends.
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
The first myth of management is that it exists.
A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
New systems generate new problems.