Jest Corner
Laluji indeed has given management lessons to the IIM graduates and is a fantabulous personality in the political arena but he is advised by some of his supporters who hardly know anything about business or the corporate world. It’s heard that some of such supporters and followers were seen giving funny lessons to some of their learned villagers. Few corporate terms according to them were as follows:
CEO--- Chief executive officer, the one who executes the life of employees on a bad day.
CIO--- Chief information officer, the one who provides all the gossips of the organization to the CEO .
CFO--- Chief financial officer, the one who has the responsibility to give loans to beggars of the company like CEO himself and mostly he funds his own family and house.
GM--- General manager, the one responsible for managing general work like gardening, cleaning the floor, stationary management, also chatting in general with everyone.
DGM--- Deputy general manager, the one who assists GM in chatting with people.
Despite this knowledge the followers had the wit to answer the following:-
Q- What would happen, if earth starts rotating 30 times faster than it normally does?
A- One of the followers said promptly, “We would get salary everyday”.
Q- A second recruiter asked one of the followers why did you leave your last job?
A- Came an innocent reply, “…. The company relocated and didn’t tell me where”.
The lalu followers are also very IT savvy and therefore they also had some shayari to share with everyone. It goes like this:-
Kal jab mile
thhe....
to dil mein hua ek sound.
Aur aaj mile to kehte hain...
your file not found! *
Jo muddat se hota aaya hai,
woh repeat kar doonga...
Tu naa mili to apni zindagi
ctrl+alt+delete kar doonga...
Shayad mere
pyar ko
taste karna bhool gaye...
Dil sey aisa cut kiya
ke paste karna bhool gaye...
Laakhon honge
nigaah mein
kabhi mujhe bhi pick karo...
Mere pyaar ke icon pe
kabhi to double-click karo...
Roz subha hum
karte hain
pyar se unhe good morning...
Woh aise ghoor ke dekti hain
jaise 0 errors aur 5 warning...
Aisa bhi
nahin hai ke
I don't like your face.
Par dil ke storage mein
No more disk space.
Ghar se jab tum nikale
pehen ke reshmi gown.
Jaane kitne dilon ka
ho gaya Server down.
======================================================================
A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss
"what is the meaning of appraisal?"
Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation?"
Trainee: "Yes I do"
Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by
comparing it with resignation"
Comparison study: Appraisal and Resignation
|
Appraisal |
Resignation |
|
In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures. |
In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success. |
|
In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike. |
In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike. |
|
During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal. |
During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success. |
|
There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal. |
There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation. |
Trainee: "Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign ... !!!"
Disclaimer : The views expressed in the articles are author’s own views B’Cognizance or IIITA is not liable for any objections arising out of the same. The matter here is solely for academic use only.